


Paradox

by Dance_Elle_Dance



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_Elle_Dance/pseuds/Dance_Elle_Dance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course they're together, Bonnie thinks. That's how it was meant to be, anyway. (Originally posted on 10/16/10.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> Re-post of yet another DamonBonnie, this one with a touch of DamonElena and a heavy sprinkling of angst. Please enjoy!

She has to believe that she's going to be fine.

She has to believe that the stony, iron-like feeling in her gut won't be there in the future.

She has to believe that…she'll be able to move on from this. Someday.

Bonnie Bennett has to believe all of this, or she isn't sure how she will cope with the oncoming pain, the strange disappointment that this recent event has caused her. She has to believe it all, and believe it _with conviction_ , or she is afraid she will go mad.

She closes her eyes and clasps her hands slightly. Her heart sinks and flutters and bobs about in her chest, not sure of what it is supposed to be doing with this current revelation. Deep breaths are inhaled through shaky lips, her shuddering chest heaving with desperation to get the air down.

The witch wonders why she is feeling this way, why this stupid, _stupid_ thing has her all in knots.

The only certifiable, plausible conclusion she can come to is, well - _Because I'm a moron,_ she tells herself, and her hands wring together a bit tighter than intended, nails digging into the flesh of her hands. She doesn't really register the pain - the mere physical wounds are nothing compared to this strange beast roaring inside her, stirring her emotions like the finest of dust. They have more impact than dust, however, and almost bring her to her knees.

Strange, how this little organ called the _heart_ could do so much. Power the body forward, pump blood through veins…but it could also cause so much pain…

Bonnie sighs and walks her way to class. It's somehow very quiet, no one looking her way - not that they ever did. She sees Stefan and offers a weak wave with an even weaker, plastic smile. He waves back, just as unenthused, but a smile graces his handsome features as well.

He is obviously not the same, with good reason. Bonnie knows that she feels as if she can't be the same again, either.

Again, all with good reason.

She walks toward the doors leading outside to the courtyard. It's at the time of morning where the students are let out for a little while, given a bit to eat or catch up on homework. Bonnie has neither of those things in her mind, all she can think about is what she knows she is going to see, what she knows waits for her just ahead.

A hand presses on the door, pushing it open, and a breeze, cool and edgy, laces around her like a strange comfort to her heated skin. She inhales greedily, enjoying the way the air whistles down her throat, which feels more constricted than usual for some reason.

There is a slight mist in the air around her, and she has to squint ever-so slightly to see through it. But, of course, through all of the white fog around her, she sees what she knew she would lay her eyes on.

A pair of piercing blue eyes stare back at her through the mist.

The hazy cloud around them does nothing to conceal his features. They are prominent, as usual, like a slap in the face and a hand around her heart. She fights back the faintest of gasps as her hands tense into almost-claws. Bonnie is transparent, and she knows this.

"Hey."

Such a simple word, such an understatement for everything she wants to say comes from his lips.

That simple word is enough to make her heart race in her chest.

And one word joins her thoughts in response - _pathetic._

Bonnie straightens her posture, turns her eyes on him, her lips pursed and her expression fierce. She places her hands on her hips and glances at the elder Salvatore. His eyes are light, almost playful, and she knows this all too well - this strange game that they play. She's not backing down and he's not giving any ground to her.

An impasse.

Bonnie looks at him, and even then his fiery blue eyes are enough to knock her off her feet. She reaches deep into the reserves of herself to stay upright, almost like she was fighting the oncoming tide, desperately trying to stay afloat.

There are so many things she wants to tell him. This moment seems to simple - too mundane - to voice them all, however. They war with each other inside her head, fighting for dominance. Which one can make her look foolish quicker? She bites her lip, quelling all of the thoughts.

For the most part.

No one is around them. There is nothing to deter her from voicing what she really feels, but a part of her - the rational, intellectual part - tells her that doing that would cause more harm than good. She clenches to that part of her with desperate fingers, knowing what would happen if she went with her impulsive side and threw caution to the wind.

_To hell with it. To hell with everything._

_To hell with **him**._

It's quiet. The only thing keeping her alert are his eyes and the constant whirring hum of her thoughts.

However, the most obvious question leaves her lips before she can stop it.

"You and Elena, huh?"

A fleeting glance of shock crosses his features for the briefest of moments. So brief that had Bonnie not been looking, she would've missed it. Damon settles his handsome features into a look that would have any other woman quivering in her shoes, and she finds herself almost succumbing to it.

"Yeah."

She had known it happened, but somehow, she wished it was all a lie. That was why she had been so wanting to find him, to tell him what she needed to let out - what she thought she needed him to know. But now, now that she is actually face to face with him, and the words are so close to slipping, she wants to keep them buried within her, never letting them see the light of day.

Instead, Bonnie smiles. "I knew it."

Damon seems taken aback by this gesture - it's unlike Bonnie to beam so brightly at him. It catches him off guard. "Hm?"

"You two were inevitable, after all." She turns her smile into a gentler one, and ends up thinking, wondering, when she had ever smiled so much at a vampire.

Damon looks at her with skeptical eyes, but there's something beneath the lingering humor that she designates as shocked uncertainty. "What are you really trying to say, Bonnie?"

That question, prodding and intrusive, causes her mind to go into a flurry. For a moment, it's almost like Damon knows what she wants to say and actually wants her to speak the words. Those stupid, damning, _weak_ words that would forever put her in the category of _girls who have fallen for Damon Salvatore._ And there are a lot of them, she's positive.

They are battering around inside her head, trying to force themselves down and out her throat. 

She can't say it - she can't. 

_I love you, I love you, I love you…_

It's a mantra, sick and taunting in her head, and if she were capable, she would most certainly erase the memories of her feelings for the elder Salvatore. 

But she can't. 

So she just stands there, with those words crashing against the walls of her self control like waves on a beach during the most violent of storms. 

"Bonnie?" 

She is snapped back to the present by his dulcet voice, a soothing caress in her ear. There is a hint of concern in his voice, but Bonnie finds it to her advantage not to linger too long on that. 

"I…" Bonnie bites her lip while thinking of the words. She can almost feel the hard edge of her teeth slice through, and for a moment she fantasizes vampiric fangs in their place - vampiric fangs that were not her own, but belonging to the man in front of her. 

Ignoring the bile in her stomach and the lead weight of her heart, she steels herself, her face betraying every bit of the turmoil she feels inside. She hates herself for it. 

A smile creases her face, lovely, warm, shining at him and heating his skin almost as if the sun were out. "It's about damn time you two got together, you dog." 

Something touches the edges of Damon's piercing blue eyes. Something that Bonnie can't place. 

"You were going to say something else." 

Her breath hitches just as she hears Elena's voice echo behind her. Her hands fist into tight balls, nails digging into her flesh. She's transparent, and she knows it. 

_Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou…_ The words run together in her head, and somehow, they're screaming at her. 

She _can't_ say them. 

So, instead, she swallows deeply and grins. A true, genuine, happy grin, because he is finally with someone that makes him happy, and she should be happy for them, right? 

She grins and says, "Congratulations." 


End file.
